College: Battling the Prince of Darkness
HOW TO WRITE A TERM PAPER
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, printed out, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now, that way you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one song from your favorite album and that's it, I really mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that...
10. Listen to the rest of the album.
11. Rearrange all of your books into alphabetical order.
12. Call your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
15. Check the guide to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot, even if he wasn't watching.
18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
19. Look through your roommate's memory book from home. Ask who everyone is.
20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
25. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
26. Leap up and write the paper.
27. Type the paper on your laptop. Spell check.
28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid term paper.
There was a movie that came out during high school called Animal House. It had a great impact on what I expected college to be like for me. I expected wild parties, crazy stunts, little studying, and great stories about practical jokes that we pulled off. I decided to attend the University of Wisconsin Whitewater. It was a perfect distance from home (two hours). It was high in accounting which was my intended major, and the drinking age was eighteen.
My spiritual life was somewhat present but I had not invited God into my life. An eighteen year old heading off to college without much of relationship with God is a recipe for disaster. It was exactly true for me. I failed to develop the very foundation that I needed to be successful on my own. I also left home and I had no one at the school that I knew to lean on. But, God in his infinite mercy provided.
I had no knowledge of the school as far as teachers to take or the best dorm to live in. I signed up for Tutt hall because there was a song out called King Tutt by Steve Martin so I thought it sounded cool. The University just assigned me a room and roommate. This is were God stepped in and provided for me. It must have been my parents were interceding for me. My roommate's name was Jim. He was called Ski. He was one of the best things that ever happened to me. He became an amazing friend. He was from Racine so the only bad side was that he was a Packers fan. I won't hold that against him too much. He taught me a lot of life skills that I truly appreciate. I learned how to fish and hunt. I learned how to study and to apply myself in school. Most importantly, I learned the balance of fun and hard work.
My nickname in college was Tidbit. You maybe wondering how does one acquire such a name. Well, my great sister, Deb, loaded me up, in the great Herwaldt tradition, with all kinds of candy and junk food. In my family, you can't make a trip or have a party without plenty of food. You certainly can't go off to college. This is where I use my natural youth ministry skills. I took a bag chips and, wherever I found an opened door, I would offer some of chips. Over the first couple of days of school, I met most of my dorm. One of the treats that I passed out was a box of Tidbits. They are a round cheesy cracker. A few days later, I am walking with Ski. Someone from my dorm sees me and says "There is the Tidbit guy!" The name stuck. Most people, that I went to school with, didn't know my real name.
We lived on the fourth floor of Tutt Hall. I didn't think much about it until I went to pick up my school ID. The person asked for my name, hall and room number. They had this strange look on their face. They made some derogatory comment about Tutt Hall. It wasn't till later did I realize that they put all the degenerates from the other dorms into Tutt Hall. We were in for a wild ride.
Let me give you some examples. One night a guy locked himself into his dorm and started using a baseball bat to destroy it. One night a bunch of guys decided to have puking contest. They stuck their finger down their throat and puked into a bucket. Then, they tried to measure who puked the most. Who does that? One night a bar was giving away beer posters. Someone got a hold of a whole box of them, and proceeded to wallpaper the ceiling and walls of the fourth floor. Yes, there was a few times that the janitor went on strike. Speaking of the janitor, he left the hose connected to the spigot in the bathroom after spraying the whole thing down. Big Mistake!! A huge water fight ensued covering the hallway with water. I am not sure how much our RA was compensated, but he wasn't really doing his job.
Speaking of bathrooms. Some of the craziest stuff happened there. Ski had friends come up from Racine to watch the Bears/Packers game. So, picture my dorm filled with Packers fans and the Bears proceed to win 61 To 7!! Our room was right by the incinerator chute. During the game someone in our room said they smelled smoke which is not unusual for our room. I said not to worry about it because it is probably just the incinerator. A little later, they said that they really smelled smoke, so I peeked in the hallway. There was black putrid smoke pouring out of the bathroom. Of course, I go to investigate. I find that someone had lit the toilet seat on fire by stacking newspapers on top of it, and torching it. I am panicking, and I don't know what to do. We had a hair washing sink with one of those black hoses with shower head on the end. So, I turned it on and pointed it towards the toilet. This is a good plan, right? NO! The water went about a foot and fell to the floor! So, someone got me a towel and I smothered it. But, who does that? Who tries to start a fire in the bathroom?
The floor was full of a cast of characters from all over Wisconsin. There was Crazy Bob. He was on the eight year plan. He was there before we got there and he was still there after we left. We called him crazy because he did crazy stuff. His favorite thing to do was pick a fight with anyone just for the fun of it. One time we found him hanging by his hands outside his window. We are not sure why. He was lucky. He could have died. There was Todd who lived across the hall. His parents paid for his education and all he cared about was drinking, skiing and girls. I never saw him without a drink in his hand. He only lasted a year. You do have to do better than an F grade point average to make it in college. Then, there was the football players who lived next door who thought I was their personal tackling dummy. One day, they put me in the closet in the dorm lounge. They turned it upside down and sat on it. Then, there was the guy down the hall who had a fascination with putting his head through plate glass windows for a dare. Not once, but twice. Then, there was the guy who lived around the corner who had a monthly weed party. I don't know how he got away with it. You could smell it all over the floor. I think we all got high on those nights. Then, there was the guy who lived on the other wing who could provide every drug imaginable.
God provided another amazing friend. Todd F. is probably one of the most talented people that I know. He plays banjo which I think is a hard instrument to play and is pretty awesome. He has authored books and written dozens of songs including one that he wrote for my wedding. He can paint. In fact, I still have a painting of his in my house. He was a member of a blue grass band. His buddies would come to our school every so often and jam in his dorm room. This is where I learned that spoons are more than just utensils, and there such a thing as a jaw harp. In college, he seemed to be a quiet person, but he was really quietly planning his next attack. One day I am minding my own business taking a shower. Someone opens the bathroom door and throws in a whole pack of lit firecrackers. I learned the best practical jokes and hijinks from the master. One of the funniest stories of college was unexpectedly provided by Todd. One night, Ski and I are woken up by someone pounding on the door across the hall. It is Todd with a broom handle pounding away. "Fred, let me in! Fred, (his roommate) let me in!!" There is only one problem. One major problem. It is not his room! Todd seemed to be sleep walking. We redirected him to his room. The next day we looked at the door and there were dozens of pock marks from the broom handle on the door.
God provided much-needed friends at school with a supportive family and friends back home. Yet, I was living the life of a hypocrite. I would go to church on Sunday, but live like a heathen the rest of the week. I fully participated in the party scene. I didn't treat females with much-needed respect. I wasn't studying as hard as I could. It was a recipe for disaster. I'll just give one example. On my birthday, I tried to drink as many shots as how old I was. There are three hours of that night that I cannot account for. Mind you, my friends and I were normal when compared to the rest of the floor. We had a lot of innocent fun. We played practical jokes on people. We even got into a war with girls one floor below us. This war culminated with them sneaking into my room and proceeding to put everything into a big pile in the middle of the floor. I mean everything in our room. Everything!!
I believed in God. I had good friends, money, job, school, family, and just about everything the world could offer me. Yet, I was empty on the inside. I try to fill the void with alcohol, girls and fun, but it hardly filled it. I spent many nights talking about the keys to life with my friends. Reading books by authors like Leo Buscaglia. I read his book on Love or listened to his talks on tape. I thought he had the answers to a more fulfilled life. I knew there had to be more than what I was experiencing. The life of the drunk social scene was one of emptiness and unfulfillment. It was not what it seemed in movies and the culture. What was the answer?
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, printed out, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now, that way you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one song from your favorite album and that's it, I really mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that...
10. Listen to the rest of the album.
11. Rearrange all of your books into alphabetical order.
12. Call your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
15. Check the guide to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot, even if he wasn't watching.
18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
19. Look through your roommate's memory book from home. Ask who everyone is.
20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly-sharpened pencils.
23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
25. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
26. Leap up and write the paper.
27. Type the paper on your laptop. Spell check.
28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid term paper.
There was a movie that came out during high school called Animal House. It had a great impact on what I expected college to be like for me. I expected wild parties, crazy stunts, little studying, and great stories about practical jokes that we pulled off. I decided to attend the University of Wisconsin Whitewater. It was a perfect distance from home (two hours). It was high in accounting which was my intended major, and the drinking age was eighteen.
My spiritual life was somewhat present but I had not invited God into my life. An eighteen year old heading off to college without much of relationship with God is a recipe for disaster. It was exactly true for me. I failed to develop the very foundation that I needed to be successful on my own. I also left home and I had no one at the school that I knew to lean on. But, God in his infinite mercy provided.
I had no knowledge of the school as far as teachers to take or the best dorm to live in. I signed up for Tutt hall because there was a song out called King Tutt by Steve Martin so I thought it sounded cool. The University just assigned me a room and roommate. This is were God stepped in and provided for me. It must have been my parents were interceding for me. My roommate's name was Jim. He was called Ski. He was one of the best things that ever happened to me. He became an amazing friend. He was from Racine so the only bad side was that he was a Packers fan. I won't hold that against him too much. He taught me a lot of life skills that I truly appreciate. I learned how to fish and hunt. I learned how to study and to apply myself in school. Most importantly, I learned the balance of fun and hard work.
My nickname in college was Tidbit. You maybe wondering how does one acquire such a name. Well, my great sister, Deb, loaded me up, in the great Herwaldt tradition, with all kinds of candy and junk food. In my family, you can't make a trip or have a party without plenty of food. You certainly can't go off to college. This is where I use my natural youth ministry skills. I took a bag chips and, wherever I found an opened door, I would offer some of chips. Over the first couple of days of school, I met most of my dorm. One of the treats that I passed out was a box of Tidbits. They are a round cheesy cracker. A few days later, I am walking with Ski. Someone from my dorm sees me and says "There is the Tidbit guy!" The name stuck. Most people, that I went to school with, didn't know my real name.
We lived on the fourth floor of Tutt Hall. I didn't think much about it until I went to pick up my school ID. The person asked for my name, hall and room number. They had this strange look on their face. They made some derogatory comment about Tutt Hall. It wasn't till later did I realize that they put all the degenerates from the other dorms into Tutt Hall. We were in for a wild ride.
Let me give you some examples. One night a guy locked himself into his dorm and started using a baseball bat to destroy it. One night a bunch of guys decided to have puking contest. They stuck their finger down their throat and puked into a bucket. Then, they tried to measure who puked the most. Who does that? One night a bar was giving away beer posters. Someone got a hold of a whole box of them, and proceeded to wallpaper the ceiling and walls of the fourth floor. Yes, there was a few times that the janitor went on strike. Speaking of the janitor, he left the hose connected to the spigot in the bathroom after spraying the whole thing down. Big Mistake!! A huge water fight ensued covering the hallway with water. I am not sure how much our RA was compensated, but he wasn't really doing his job.
Speaking of bathrooms. Some of the craziest stuff happened there. Ski had friends come up from Racine to watch the Bears/Packers game. So, picture my dorm filled with Packers fans and the Bears proceed to win 61 To 7!! Our room was right by the incinerator chute. During the game someone in our room said they smelled smoke which is not unusual for our room. I said not to worry about it because it is probably just the incinerator. A little later, they said that they really smelled smoke, so I peeked in the hallway. There was black putrid smoke pouring out of the bathroom. Of course, I go to investigate. I find that someone had lit the toilet seat on fire by stacking newspapers on top of it, and torching it. I am panicking, and I don't know what to do. We had a hair washing sink with one of those black hoses with shower head on the end. So, I turned it on and pointed it towards the toilet. This is a good plan, right? NO! The water went about a foot and fell to the floor! So, someone got me a towel and I smothered it. But, who does that? Who tries to start a fire in the bathroom?
The floor was full of a cast of characters from all over Wisconsin. There was Crazy Bob. He was on the eight year plan. He was there before we got there and he was still there after we left. We called him crazy because he did crazy stuff. His favorite thing to do was pick a fight with anyone just for the fun of it. One time we found him hanging by his hands outside his window. We are not sure why. He was lucky. He could have died. There was Todd who lived across the hall. His parents paid for his education and all he cared about was drinking, skiing and girls. I never saw him without a drink in his hand. He only lasted a year. You do have to do better than an F grade point average to make it in college. Then, there was the football players who lived next door who thought I was their personal tackling dummy. One day, they put me in the closet in the dorm lounge. They turned it upside down and sat on it. Then, there was the guy down the hall who had a fascination with putting his head through plate glass windows for a dare. Not once, but twice. Then, there was the guy who lived around the corner who had a monthly weed party. I don't know how he got away with it. You could smell it all over the floor. I think we all got high on those nights. Then, there was the guy who lived on the other wing who could provide every drug imaginable.
God provided another amazing friend. Todd F. is probably one of the most talented people that I know. He plays banjo which I think is a hard instrument to play and is pretty awesome. He has authored books and written dozens of songs including one that he wrote for my wedding. He can paint. In fact, I still have a painting of his in my house. He was a member of a blue grass band. His buddies would come to our school every so often and jam in his dorm room. This is where I learned that spoons are more than just utensils, and there such a thing as a jaw harp. In college, he seemed to be a quiet person, but he was really quietly planning his next attack. One day I am minding my own business taking a shower. Someone opens the bathroom door and throws in a whole pack of lit firecrackers. I learned the best practical jokes and hijinks from the master. One of the funniest stories of college was unexpectedly provided by Todd. One night, Ski and I are woken up by someone pounding on the door across the hall. It is Todd with a broom handle pounding away. "Fred, let me in! Fred, (his roommate) let me in!!" There is only one problem. One major problem. It is not his room! Todd seemed to be sleep walking. We redirected him to his room. The next day we looked at the door and there were dozens of pock marks from the broom handle on the door.
God provided much-needed friends at school with a supportive family and friends back home. Yet, I was living the life of a hypocrite. I would go to church on Sunday, but live like a heathen the rest of the week. I fully participated in the party scene. I didn't treat females with much-needed respect. I wasn't studying as hard as I could. It was a recipe for disaster. I'll just give one example. On my birthday, I tried to drink as many shots as how old I was. There are three hours of that night that I cannot account for. Mind you, my friends and I were normal when compared to the rest of the floor. We had a lot of innocent fun. We played practical jokes on people. We even got into a war with girls one floor below us. This war culminated with them sneaking into my room and proceeding to put everything into a big pile in the middle of the floor. I mean everything in our room. Everything!!
I believed in God. I had good friends, money, job, school, family, and just about everything the world could offer me. Yet, I was empty on the inside. I try to fill the void with alcohol, girls and fun, but it hardly filled it. I spent many nights talking about the keys to life with my friends. Reading books by authors like Leo Buscaglia. I read his book on Love or listened to his talks on tape. I thought he had the answers to a more fulfilled life. I knew there had to be more than what I was experiencing. The life of the drunk social scene was one of emptiness and unfulfillment. It was not what it seemed in movies and the culture. What was the answer?
Boy, did you bring back some college memories for us. I used to type Phil's term papers at midnight the night before they were due ... after he did a similar procrastination routine. You hit the nail on the head with the emptiness too. How truly blessed we are to have good friends like you to help us in our faith journey and to help us navigate the straight and narrow path. Please keep sharing your stories! Chris
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