Five is Enough
"Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater
developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very
little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each
other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world"
St. Teresa of Calcutta
When Jan and I were engaged, we gave our lives to God including our fertility. We took Natural Family Planning classes and found out that there was a safe effective way to plan out our family. It was safe for Jan with no extra hormones going into her body. It upheld God's plan for a one flesh union. It kept us always open to the possibility that our act of total self giving could be used by God to create a new human being. We just didn't know how God would use that power. We never sat down and figured out how many children. The cool thing about NFP is you can know the day each of your children is conceived.
Our goal is to get each other to heaven and get our children to heaven. So, all our family's decisions must be filtered through this goal including our fertility, finances, recreation, education, and everything else in family life. If we were going to be serious about putting God first then every aspect of our lives had to be on the table. I looked to God's word and found the following chapter of the Gospel of Matthew: 6:25-34. It became the foundation of our family. These verses will be trusted in the years ahead. We were going to rely on Jesus' promises in the day to day decisions of our family.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Our goal is to get each other to heaven and get our children to heaven. So, all our family's decisions must be filtered through this goal including our fertility, finances, recreation, education, and everything else in family life. If we were going to be serious about putting God first then every aspect of our lives had to be on the table. I looked to God's word and found the following chapter of the Gospel of Matthew: 6:25-34. It became the foundation of our family. These verses will be trusted in the years ahead. We were going to rely on Jesus' promises in the day to day decisions of our family.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
We were only married a couple of months. We had yet to perfect our budgeting skills. We are out of money. It is a Monday and Friday is payday. We prayed about it, and in the morning we went to work. I got home first and got the mail. In the mail was a small white envelope with no return address. It had no note inside just seventy five dollars wrapped in a piece of paper. A couple of months later, it happened again. We are out of money, and in the mail the next day is an envelope. The envelope has a note. It says "I was in prayer and felt compelled by God to send this to you". There was fifty five dollars inside the note. God is good. All the time! Now, we did get better in budgeting our money. Even though it was tempting, we didn't stop tithing although it would have been nice to have the extra money to spend on other things.
We had only been married about six months, and Jan is not feeling well. She eventually wonders if she is pregnant. I can recall the moment. The test is on the sink in the bathroom. We read the test. She is pregnant! We head to the living room and Jan is sitting on the couch. I am pacing the floor. We are overcome with all kinds of emotions. It is not what we expected. God is full of surprises! It takes us a little bit to get our bearings any time God steps in.
Bethany (which means House of God) showed up on the scene a month premature and in distress. I maintain that she figured out that she had to go through the birth canal and thought "there must be an easier way out!" God creates each person uniquely. Bethany was designed by God to be a very determined person. In the middle of the night, Jan's water broke. We head to the hospital. Jan's body isn't progressing so they induce labor. Late at night, things are progressing but the baby is in distress. A little after midnight, we head to the operating room, and Bethany is delivered by C section. Later on, I said to Jan: "I have seen your guts, and I love your guts!" I don't think she quite appreciated the sentiment.
St John Paul I I wrote that man is incomprehensible to himself until he lives FOR another. After the grace of the sacrament of marriage, I noticed that I thought differently. I was thinking of ways to serve Jan. After Bethany was born, it was heightened even more so. I had choices to make. I could be self-centered or I could serve. I believe the Holy Spirit was pushing me to serve. Having a C section is a major operation. It was difficult for Jan for several weeks if not longer. Having a new baby is exhausting. Bethany was a challenging baby because she was so smart. She knew what she wanted, but couldn't verbalize it except with crying. We eventually developed a list: Hungry? Diaper? Pacifier? Tired? Blankie? etc.
Bethany was a beautiful little baby. She was so small that I could hold her with one hand. She weighed just a little over five pounds. She was perfectly bald until she was about two years old and then her gorgeous hair started growing. She is a perceiver so she has ingrained in her a keen sense of right and wrong. It has served her well as she pursued her education especially in science and mathematics. It would not surprise any of her teachers that she ultimately earned a PhD in Applied Math. She is a quiet and kind person, but underneath she is a very thoughtful and determined lady. Her teachers used to tell us that she was soft spoken, and it was hard to hear her. One of my favorite memories of her childhood was her love for reading. I loved reading her stories. Of course, I would change the stories, and she would object. "Read it right, Dad!!" In the summer, she used this love of story by organizing little plays in our garage using siblings and neighborhood friends.
Her faith has always been important part of her life. When she was in middle school, she started journaling her prayers after her aunt bought her a journal. Then, she discovered that you can password protect specific files, so I would hear her at night journaling on the computer. In high school, she would travel a half hour to attend the youth ministry program at Holy Cross in Batavia. Later, she served on their high school peer ministry team. She was a camp counselor for their middle summer camp for four years. She was great at reaching teens one on one. When Bethany is in college, I am at summer camp listening to a witness talk given by a high school student from Holy Cross. She is talking about one of her God moments in her time at summer camp. Even as a high school student, this young lady is a shy quiet person. When she got off the bus for the first time as a shy quiet sixth grader, she was scared. She shared that Bethany came up to her and helped with her bags. Bethany took her to her bunk room and helped her feel comfortable. When Bethany was a sophomore at Rosary high school, a new girl transferred into the school. Bethany knew that she wouldn't know anyone, so she invited the new girl to sit with her at her lunch table. Soon, they became friends.
When Bethany was about a year and a half, we discovered that Jan was pregnant again. God is full of surprises. We will need every ounce of grace as we add another flower to our bouquet of blessings from God. It will take another decade before God will say "Five is enough!"
We had only been married about six months, and Jan is not feeling well. She eventually wonders if she is pregnant. I can recall the moment. The test is on the sink in the bathroom. We read the test. She is pregnant! We head to the living room and Jan is sitting on the couch. I am pacing the floor. We are overcome with all kinds of emotions. It is not what we expected. God is full of surprises! It takes us a little bit to get our bearings any time God steps in.
Bethany (which means House of God) showed up on the scene a month premature and in distress. I maintain that she figured out that she had to go through the birth canal and thought "there must be an easier way out!" God creates each person uniquely. Bethany was designed by God to be a very determined person. In the middle of the night, Jan's water broke. We head to the hospital. Jan's body isn't progressing so they induce labor. Late at night, things are progressing but the baby is in distress. A little after midnight, we head to the operating room, and Bethany is delivered by C section. Later on, I said to Jan: "I have seen your guts, and I love your guts!" I don't think she quite appreciated the sentiment.
St John Paul I I wrote that man is incomprehensible to himself until he lives FOR another. After the grace of the sacrament of marriage, I noticed that I thought differently. I was thinking of ways to serve Jan. After Bethany was born, it was heightened even more so. I had choices to make. I could be self-centered or I could serve. I believe the Holy Spirit was pushing me to serve. Having a C section is a major operation. It was difficult for Jan for several weeks if not longer. Having a new baby is exhausting. Bethany was a challenging baby because she was so smart. She knew what she wanted, but couldn't verbalize it except with crying. We eventually developed a list: Hungry? Diaper? Pacifier? Tired? Blankie? etc.
Bethany was a beautiful little baby. She was so small that I could hold her with one hand. She weighed just a little over five pounds. She was perfectly bald until she was about two years old and then her gorgeous hair started growing. She is a perceiver so she has ingrained in her a keen sense of right and wrong. It has served her well as she pursued her education especially in science and mathematics. It would not surprise any of her teachers that she ultimately earned a PhD in Applied Math. She is a quiet and kind person, but underneath she is a very thoughtful and determined lady. Her teachers used to tell us that she was soft spoken, and it was hard to hear her. One of my favorite memories of her childhood was her love for reading. I loved reading her stories. Of course, I would change the stories, and she would object. "Read it right, Dad!!" In the summer, she used this love of story by organizing little plays in our garage using siblings and neighborhood friends.
Her faith has always been important part of her life. When she was in middle school, she started journaling her prayers after her aunt bought her a journal. Then, she discovered that you can password protect specific files, so I would hear her at night journaling on the computer. In high school, she would travel a half hour to attend the youth ministry program at Holy Cross in Batavia. Later, she served on their high school peer ministry team. She was a camp counselor for their middle summer camp for four years. She was great at reaching teens one on one. When Bethany is in college, I am at summer camp listening to a witness talk given by a high school student from Holy Cross. She is talking about one of her God moments in her time at summer camp. Even as a high school student, this young lady is a shy quiet person. When she got off the bus for the first time as a shy quiet sixth grader, she was scared. She shared that Bethany came up to her and helped with her bags. Bethany took her to her bunk room and helped her feel comfortable. When Bethany was a sophomore at Rosary high school, a new girl transferred into the school. Bethany knew that she wouldn't know anyone, so she invited the new girl to sit with her at her lunch table. Soon, they became friends.
When Bethany was about a year and a half, we discovered that Jan was pregnant again. God is full of surprises. We will need every ounce of grace as we add another flower to our bouquet of blessings from God. It will take another decade before God will say "Five is enough!"
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