Together As One
"A communion of persons occurs when two people freely give themselves to each other and accept one another in love. In fact, true love consists precisely in this mutual self-gift as we see in the Gospels, the main point of the Christian life is to love.". St John Paul II
Our first kiss took place at Jeff and Renae's wedding in November of 1984. Jan and I were sitting next to each other at the head table. When the group clinked the glasses everyone expected Jeff and Renae to kiss. Jeff instructed the wedding party to kiss instead. By late December of 1984, I had the experience on the road to Kankakee. I started to let God take control of my life. It included my love life. I knew that I needed to have a totally different mind set. If I was going to live according to God's principles, I needed to be a radically different person. I would need to live for others. I needed to find someone who thought the same way. She would also need to put up with my humor, snoring, smelly feet, and my wacky family and friends.
With the Wahrman family, you never knew who would be at their house. My future Mother in law was a full blooded Italian, so her house was your house. And, she was going to feed you. She was never done serving or getting people to help her to serve others. She fostered thirty three babies. She took into her home teens who were going through rough patches. She was even a foster mother to one teen who was pregnant. She grew up in a little tiny Italian enclave in northwestern Arkansas called Tontitown. I loved teasing her by calling it Tinytown. Young people from the Happening also spent a lot of time at the Wahrman house because the whole family was involved in the program. Everyone called her "Mom". My favorite night was pizza night where she would make homemade pizza. I believe somewhere in my DNA is some Italian.
Jan's father was born during the depression in Kansas. He contracted Polio as a teen, and survived. He was told that he would never walk. He not only taught himself to walk, but he went to college and became a CPA. Ultimately, he got a job with Arthur Anderson, and bought his first house before he was married. He was a hard working man with an awesome sense of humor. He was a quiet faithful man who loved God. People called him "Commander", but his map reading skills were questionable. He loved sports and loved watching his own children and grandchildren playing in them. He was like a second father to me. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him. My goal was to get him to exclaim, "Oh, Mark!" because of some ridiculous thing I said.
So, one night in December, I called over to their house, and Jan answered the phone. I asked if anyone was hanging out. She said no. She was the only one home. I asked if I could come over. She seemed a little bewildered. I came over and we hung out with each other on the couch in the family room. Eventually, other people came home and thought it was strange that just the two of us were hanging out together. I stayed there quite late. Do you know there is a religious program that comes on TV at 3 am called "Saturday Night Sing"? Neither did we until that night. Our relationship had become more than just a friendship. Jan is funny, caring, a great listener, faithful, loyal, beautiful, perseverant, determined, spunky, smart, thoughtful, and loving. God is number one in her life. I knew we could develop a relationship that could be centered on God, and have a lot of fun doing it.
Our first official date was a Radio Shack Christmas party in January. She survived the constant teasing of my two coworkers, so I thought she could survive my family as well. Jan was still in school at George Williams College studying social work, so we would see each other a couple of times a week, and talk on the phone. The first time I told her that I loved her was when we were standing outside her dorm room. It was strange but in a good way. I had known Jan since high school. She was Jeff and Ken's little sister. So, to date her was strange at first. I had known the whole family for quite a while. It changed things. I wanted to treat her with the utmost respect no matter how it went.
Kay, Jan's oldest sister, is the source of uplifting encouragement. She is a strong faith filled person who spent a year of her life working on a NET team. NET works in teams of twelve Catholic young adults who travel the country leading retreats for young people. Currently, she is a teacher who teaches challenging teens. She belongs to the Catholic Community that runs NET, and that's where she met her future husband, Ken. Ken, Jan's oldest brother, has always been someone that I looked up to for his strong faith. In 1987, he went to the Philippines as a missionary for several months. It is where he met his future wife, Sue. She was on the same missionary team. Jeff and I were in the same class together at St Francis. If you want to hear more about him, read more about him in my post on high school. Needless to say, his example had a huge impact on my faith. He led the way. If you remember, he drove me to the Happening weekend. Jeff met his future wife, Renae, through the Happening community.
So, I felt at home with the whole family. The Happening community became an extended part of my family. One night, Jan, her mom, Dominique (fellow Happener) and I are hanging out in the living room. Dominique taught us a great silly song. "Easter Bunny broke his legs, and now there's blood all over the eggs. Happy Easter! Happy Easter!" We laughed and laughed. Our dating was full of serving the church, laughter and talking.
There were five keys to our relationship: God, communication, serving the church, affection, and serving each other. We made God the center of our relationship. The cord of three strands is not easily broken. We encourage each other in our personal relationship with God. We have always talked about what new things that we were learning or ways we were growing closer to God: books, songs, talks, or attending events together. We figured the closer each of us was getting to Jesus the closer we were getting to each other. It is the symbols on our common wedding band. Two doves with the cross in the middle.
Together as one... we'll shine throughout eternity
All the dreams... we dreamed before..are now reality
And now the dreams (now the dreams) of a perfect love... will always be
With the Wahrman family, you never knew who would be at their house. My future Mother in law was a full blooded Italian, so her house was your house. And, she was going to feed you. She was never done serving or getting people to help her to serve others. She fostered thirty three babies. She took into her home teens who were going through rough patches. She was even a foster mother to one teen who was pregnant. She grew up in a little tiny Italian enclave in northwestern Arkansas called Tontitown. I loved teasing her by calling it Tinytown. Young people from the Happening also spent a lot of time at the Wahrman house because the whole family was involved in the program. Everyone called her "Mom". My favorite night was pizza night where she would make homemade pizza. I believe somewhere in my DNA is some Italian.
Jan's father was born during the depression in Kansas. He contracted Polio as a teen, and survived. He was told that he would never walk. He not only taught himself to walk, but he went to college and became a CPA. Ultimately, he got a job with Arthur Anderson, and bought his first house before he was married. He was a hard working man with an awesome sense of humor. He was a quiet faithful man who loved God. People called him "Commander", but his map reading skills were questionable. He loved sports and loved watching his own children and grandchildren playing in them. He was like a second father to me. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him. My goal was to get him to exclaim, "Oh, Mark!" because of some ridiculous thing I said.
So, one night in December, I called over to their house, and Jan answered the phone. I asked if anyone was hanging out. She said no. She was the only one home. I asked if I could come over. She seemed a little bewildered. I came over and we hung out with each other on the couch in the family room. Eventually, other people came home and thought it was strange that just the two of us were hanging out together. I stayed there quite late. Do you know there is a religious program that comes on TV at 3 am called "Saturday Night Sing"? Neither did we until that night. Our relationship had become more than just a friendship. Jan is funny, caring, a great listener, faithful, loyal, beautiful, perseverant, determined, spunky, smart, thoughtful, and loving. God is number one in her life. I knew we could develop a relationship that could be centered on God, and have a lot of fun doing it.
Our first official date was a Radio Shack Christmas party in January. She survived the constant teasing of my two coworkers, so I thought she could survive my family as well. Jan was still in school at George Williams College studying social work, so we would see each other a couple of times a week, and talk on the phone. The first time I told her that I loved her was when we were standing outside her dorm room. It was strange but in a good way. I had known Jan since high school. She was Jeff and Ken's little sister. So, to date her was strange at first. I had known the whole family for quite a while. It changed things. I wanted to treat her with the utmost respect no matter how it went.
Kay, Jan's oldest sister, is the source of uplifting encouragement. She is a strong faith filled person who spent a year of her life working on a NET team. NET works in teams of twelve Catholic young adults who travel the country leading retreats for young people. Currently, she is a teacher who teaches challenging teens. She belongs to the Catholic Community that runs NET, and that's where she met her future husband, Ken. Ken, Jan's oldest brother, has always been someone that I looked up to for his strong faith. In 1987, he went to the Philippines as a missionary for several months. It is where he met his future wife, Sue. She was on the same missionary team. Jeff and I were in the same class together at St Francis. If you want to hear more about him, read more about him in my post on high school. Needless to say, his example had a huge impact on my faith. He led the way. If you remember, he drove me to the Happening weekend. Jeff met his future wife, Renae, through the Happening community.
So, I felt at home with the whole family. The Happening community became an extended part of my family. One night, Jan, her mom, Dominique (fellow Happener) and I are hanging out in the living room. Dominique taught us a great silly song. "Easter Bunny broke his legs, and now there's blood all over the eggs. Happy Easter! Happy Easter!" We laughed and laughed. Our dating was full of serving the church, laughter and talking.
There were five keys to our relationship: God, communication, serving the church, affection, and serving each other. We made God the center of our relationship. The cord of three strands is not easily broken. We encourage each other in our personal relationship with God. We have always talked about what new things that we were learning or ways we were growing closer to God: books, songs, talks, or attending events together. We figured the closer each of us was getting to Jesus the closer we were getting to each other. It is the symbols on our common wedding band. Two doves with the cross in the middle.
Now.... is the time....
that we stand...together as one
A new life... inside us will shine....
as bright... as the sun
that we stand...together as one
A new life... inside us will shine....
as bright... as the sun
Let's bring... bring in the new...
and do... away with the old
A new love... a new love that's true...
A love that's never cold... a love that never dies
A love that fills our souls... we will survive:
Together as one... we'll stand for the world to seeand do... away with the old
A new love... a new love that's true...
A love that's never cold... a love that never dies
A love that fills our souls... we will survive:
Together as one... we'll shine throughout eternity
All the dreams... we dreamed before..are now reality
And now the dreams (now the dreams) of a perfect love... will always be
"Together As One" by Stryper
This was the song that we used at our reception for our first dance. Communication was another key in helping us to become one. We spent a lot of time together while we were dating talking about the important issues. Things that were foundational to who we were and who we wanted to become. We have tried to carry that forward into thirty one years of marriage.
While were dating, we served in the Happening together as we brought the program to the Kankakee area. People on the team didn't even know that we were dating because we intentionally didn't sit next to each other. We wanted to focus on every one else. Our mission was to reach others. We were able to talk a lot on our long trips to and from Kankakee.
Our number one goal was to get each other to heaven, and some day to get our children to heaven. We attempted to create a relationship where we served each other. We also knew our relationship would only be as strong as the amount of God's grace that we let in. Speaking of that, we had a short crisis in our relationship. Before I started dating Jan, she had discerned that God was calling her to the single life. Since this relationship was sprung on her by my unexpected romantic advances, she suddenly felt a need to spend some time to think and pray about it. So, I told her that I would step back and give her all the time she needed. I remember that one of those nights was the first time that I ever remember where I yelled at God. It only lasted a couple of days, but it seemed like an eternity to me.
It was important to me that she get to know my family and friends, because they are always a good barometer on a relationship. My college buddies liked to camp, so Jan and I joined the group for a camping trip in northern Wisconsin. We borrowed my brother's tent again. He assured me that he added a rain flap and waterproofed it. Well, it rained. Guess what? It leaked! So, Jan and I threw our sleeping bags into the back of my two seat sports car. It was an awesome weekend. It's nice to have a group of friends who who are good people. I was a consumer of alcohol in college. I don't know if it is true for you, but for my family and college friends "party" meant drinking alcohol. I decided that I needed to make a clean break from it. They accepted me just the way I was. They accepted Jan right into the group. Just down to earth people.
I do have to share some side stories about my college buddies. Just so you know that they are upstanding citizens. Ski got married not long after taking a job as a CPA with a reputable accounting firm in Appleton Wisconsin. He married Kerry who he met at Whitewater. So, you could say that they are college sweethearts. Kerry left Whitewater to become a nurse. They make an awesome couple. I loved getting to know her parents. She grew up in Waterford. They just made feel me right home. Todd was still the silent assassin, but he did take a job with a company right out of college. He has been there ever since. But, he didn't lose his ability to pull something. I stayed at his house for Ski's wedding. When I went to leave in the morning, my car was up on blocks, and all my tires were missing! Yet, the coolest story from the wedding is Todd meeting Kerry's cousin, Kathi, at the wedding. They danced the night away. Todd and I get into the car to drive back to his house, and Todd says to me "I am going to marry that woman!". Guess what? He did! Kathi and Todd are match made in heaven. Todd's parents were awesome people. I stayed at their house many times. They were welcoming and fun people to be around. We had some great sing-a-longs using their player piano.
I waited till Jan graduated from college to propose. Jan is a practical person. At some point, she told me that she didn't want a ring. So, what I am supposed to do? What would you do? So, I spent several weeks trying to figure out what to give her as a way to propose. Jan loved dogs. So, I decided to get her a dog. The only problem was I didn't want to get her a real dog until we were married. Jan's family was in the midst of moving to a new house, and it would not have been a good time to give her a dog. One of Jan's favorite dog breeds was a Cocker Spaniel. So, it took me a while, but I finally found a stuffed Spaniel dog at a store. I didn't think it would be that hard to find one, but it took me several weeks. Then, I had to solve my next obstacle. How to ask her dad for her hand in marriage. If I tried to arrange some time alone with him, it would have been too obvious. I tried waiting for an opportunity where he would be alone in his lazy boy chair in the family room. But, there was always people hanging out helping them pack up the house. So, one night I got impatient and wrote him a note. It said something like: "Can I have Jan's hand in marriage? Nod your head yes or no." Of course, I was pretty sure what the answer would be. I went and found him in the family room in his favorite lazy boy chair. The room was full of people. I slipped him the note. He had this wry smile on his face and shook his head "yes". On to the next challenge...
This was the song that we used at our reception for our first dance. Communication was another key in helping us to become one. We spent a lot of time together while we were dating talking about the important issues. Things that were foundational to who we were and who we wanted to become. We have tried to carry that forward into thirty one years of marriage.
While were dating, we served in the Happening together as we brought the program to the Kankakee area. People on the team didn't even know that we were dating because we intentionally didn't sit next to each other. We wanted to focus on every one else. Our mission was to reach others. We were able to talk a lot on our long trips to and from Kankakee.
Our number one goal was to get each other to heaven, and some day to get our children to heaven. We attempted to create a relationship where we served each other. We also knew our relationship would only be as strong as the amount of God's grace that we let in. Speaking of that, we had a short crisis in our relationship. Before I started dating Jan, she had discerned that God was calling her to the single life. Since this relationship was sprung on her by my unexpected romantic advances, she suddenly felt a need to spend some time to think and pray about it. So, I told her that I would step back and give her all the time she needed. I remember that one of those nights was the first time that I ever remember where I yelled at God. It only lasted a couple of days, but it seemed like an eternity to me.
It was important to me that she get to know my family and friends, because they are always a good barometer on a relationship. My college buddies liked to camp, so Jan and I joined the group for a camping trip in northern Wisconsin. We borrowed my brother's tent again. He assured me that he added a rain flap and waterproofed it. Well, it rained. Guess what? It leaked! So, Jan and I threw our sleeping bags into the back of my two seat sports car. It was an awesome weekend. It's nice to have a group of friends who who are good people. I was a consumer of alcohol in college. I don't know if it is true for you, but for my family and college friends "party" meant drinking alcohol. I decided that I needed to make a clean break from it. They accepted me just the way I was. They accepted Jan right into the group. Just down to earth people.
I do have to share some side stories about my college buddies. Just so you know that they are upstanding citizens. Ski got married not long after taking a job as a CPA with a reputable accounting firm in Appleton Wisconsin. He married Kerry who he met at Whitewater. So, you could say that they are college sweethearts. Kerry left Whitewater to become a nurse. They make an awesome couple. I loved getting to know her parents. She grew up in Waterford. They just made feel me right home. Todd was still the silent assassin, but he did take a job with a company right out of college. He has been there ever since. But, he didn't lose his ability to pull something. I stayed at his house for Ski's wedding. When I went to leave in the morning, my car was up on blocks, and all my tires were missing! Yet, the coolest story from the wedding is Todd meeting Kerry's cousin, Kathi, at the wedding. They danced the night away. Todd and I get into the car to drive back to his house, and Todd says to me "I am going to marry that woman!". Guess what? He did! Kathi and Todd are match made in heaven. Todd's parents were awesome people. I stayed at their house many times. They were welcoming and fun people to be around. We had some great sing-a-longs using their player piano.
I waited till Jan graduated from college to propose. Jan is a practical person. At some point, she told me that she didn't want a ring. So, what I am supposed to do? What would you do? So, I spent several weeks trying to figure out what to give her as a way to propose. Jan loved dogs. So, I decided to get her a dog. The only problem was I didn't want to get her a real dog until we were married. Jan's family was in the midst of moving to a new house, and it would not have been a good time to give her a dog. One of Jan's favorite dog breeds was a Cocker Spaniel. So, it took me a while, but I finally found a stuffed Spaniel dog at a store. I didn't think it would be that hard to find one, but it took me several weeks. Then, I had to solve my next obstacle. How to ask her dad for her hand in marriage. If I tried to arrange some time alone with him, it would have been too obvious. I tried waiting for an opportunity where he would be alone in his lazy boy chair in the family room. But, there was always people hanging out helping them pack up the house. So, one night I got impatient and wrote him a note. It said something like: "Can I have Jan's hand in marriage? Nod your head yes or no." Of course, I was pretty sure what the answer would be. I went and found him in the family room in his favorite lazy boy chair. The room was full of people. I slipped him the note. He had this wry smile on his face and shook his head "yes". On to the next challenge...
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