Who is the Boss?

"Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5

We took a spiritual gift inventory assessment based on the reading from Romans 12:6-8.
"We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully"

The seven gifts are:
Perceiver/Prophet
Server
Teacher 
Exhorter
Giver 
Administrator 
Compassion

Each of us operates to some degree using all the gifts but usually one of the gifts is dominant. Jan and I are dominant administrators which means that we like to be in charge. At some point in our relationship, we had a discussion about who was going to be "the boss" when we got married. After all, wives are supposed to be submissive to their husbands according to Ephesians five. Right? I had scripture on my side! Of course, later in the chapter, St. Paul writes husbands are supposed to sacrifice themselves for their wives. Laying down their lives. Well, it was all in good humor. But, it was also a real important discussion. For two people who like to be in charge, it was and still is an ongoing balance. I see my role as a husband and a father as one who serves. I am here to serve. It has been one of the most frustrating aspects of my current disease. I can't do anything to serve the family. I just have to sit and watch. Give my opinion, but ultimately can't do anything about solving a problem.

So, when it came for the marriage proposal, I decided that this "boss" question was the core question. I hid the stuffed Spaniel in a box and wrapped it up like a graduation gift. In the bottom of the "graduation" gift, underneath the stuffed animal, was a hand printed sign that said, "Can I be the boss?" After asking her father for her hand, I was impatient. I didn't have any grandiose romantic plan. I wanted to get it done. I had been working on this for a month. It was a crazy time with the family having a garage sale, and packing up to move. So, we went upstairs to her room so that I could give her the gift. She opened up the gift, and so far I have her fooled. She takes out the dog which she thinks is cute. She looks back into the box, and reads the sign. She says "No!".  She makes me get on my knee and ask her "the right way". I asked her "Will you marry me?" She said "yes".

I had taken a job in sales working for a friend of my brother Doug, the garbage disposal. Jan eventually took a job as a case worker for Catholic Social Services in Aurora. We didn't have a lot of money between us. We both had big families and a lot of friends. It was going to be a big wedding. My parents had passed away. Jan's parents were going through a rough patch financially. How were we going to pay for this wedding? We turned to God and made a commitment to tithe our pay checks and whatever gifts that we received. It was unbelievable. God blessed abundantly. Jan's parents were able to help us unexpectedly. My oldest sister was able to help us. We turned right around and gave God ten percent of whatever we were given. Other unexpected things happened, and we were able to pay for everything in cash. Jan wore her mother's wedding dress. We saved on other areas. God provided. We had a wedding reception for two hundred people. 

I wanted to get married on April 1st, but it wasn't on a Saturday. So, we were married on April fourth instead. We wanted our wedding Mass to be the central focus of the day. We wanted to praise and worship God and ask him to bless our marriage. We wanted Him to be at the core of our lives together. We had people from the music ministry from our Happening days lead the music. We told them to sing all verses of every song. Our opening song was "How Great Thou Art". The Mass was almost two hours long. My brother said that the only thing we were missing was an altar call. I think we succeeded. 

We wanted our wedding reception to be a great celebration of our day. I had a secret plan. I had to protect our getaway from the reception. I told no one of our honeymoon plans. Jan didn't even know. You see. I had my four brothers, two brother in laws, and my college friends. Any one of them was capable of destroying or sabotaging.  So, I rented a limousine for the ride from the church to the reception. I had another limousine pick us up from the reception and take us to our car which was locked in a garage. Why so secret? Even with all my planning, my friend Todd was still able to put a noise maker on the church Limousine. It wasn't very loud. He was disappointed. Just think what they could have done!! I need to give you some back story. For Jeff and Renae's wedding, we got the keys to their car. We took string and strung the inside of their car. We used all the string. We used masking tape and taped every inch of every window. The final gift was McDonald's cheese burgers in their luggage. They smelled real nice on their honeymoon. So, you see that I had much to fear.

Our reception was at restaurant and banquet hall. It was nice because we weren't providing alcohol other than a bottle of champagne on every table, so if people wanted to drink the bar was right outside the door. We had a great DJ. We gave squirt guns to the whole wedding party and instructed them to squirt the crowd when they clinked glasses. I had another secret plan or so I thought. I had a T-shirt made.  On the front of it in big bold white letters was "I Am The Boss!" with the scripture reference from Ephesians. I secretly put it on under my tux during the reception. Near the end of the reception, I called Jan over to dance. During the dance, I took off my vest, tie and shirt, and revealed my t-shirt. Well, Jan found out about my plan. The ladies from the wedding party run over to her with a t-shirt that said "I'm Bossy! Deal With That". Then, as we are leaving the reception, she pulls out a small glass wrapped in a cloth. She said there was some custom where the bride or groom steps on the glass. Whoever does it first is the boss in the relationship. Before I could react, she stepped on the glass and broke it. The boss controversy that never ends.




 



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